


Even cosmic love hurts

by Pixiedustburns



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, Trigger warning attempted suicide, self harm/hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25074955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiedustburns/pseuds/Pixiedustburns
Summary: Alex finds out that Michael told isabel that loving him caused pain.
Relationships: Forrest Long & Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, mentioned
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	1. Truth will out

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty fanfic. Set after season 2.  
> I do not own Roswell new mexico or any charecters
> 
> Trigger warnings for self harm/attempted suicide.
> 
> Angst/comfort

Isabel was drunk and Max was depressed drunk. Michael sat across from them leaning on one hand as he listened to Isabel rambling in Max's ear as she tried to distract him from Liz leaving. Michael watched Maria flittering around behind the bar. It was strange how their amicable break up had left Michael feeling at ease around her. But he still watched out for her and any degenerative effects her newly developing powers might cause.  
"So Michael said that going back to Alex was a crash landing and all he felt was hurt." Isabel slurred during a pause in the music. Michael jumped as from behind him a glass shattered. He turned and froze caught by the sight of devastated eyes. Alex had frozen in place, hand still held out even though the glass he was holding was now shattered on the floor. Michael felt himself go cold all over.  
"Alex," he started to rise but Alex was already in motion. Moving fast despite the limp and crutch he was using. Michael stood up to follow but slipped in the spilled beer almost landing on his ass.  
"Nice dance moves Michael." Maria teased as she arrived with a brush and dust pan to remove the glass. Michael tipped his hat at her and hurried outside. The parking lot was empty and Alex was no where in sight.  
"Damn it." Michael pulled his cell from his pocket and dialled Alex's number. The phone rang through until voicemail picked up.  
"Alex, listen. It was a really long time ago and I was in a really bad place after caulfield. I didn't... I dont feel that way about you Alex. Call me back ok?" Michael ended the call and cussed himself out for sounding like a nervous teenager. Sighing he turned to go inside, making a point that he would check on Alex in the morning.

Alex couldn't breathe. Sat in the darkness of the cabin he shook and sobbed, clutching at his hair. Everything hurt, every breath, every second. Isabel's words bounded around in his head, all he had done was cause Michael pain. Now Alex was suffering, he couldn't switch off. Standing up Alex caught sight of himself in the mirror. For a moment all he could see was his Father. His hand lashed out fist slamming into the glass hard. The glass shattered and Alex sighed in relief as pain seered across his knuckles, a sweet release of his inner pain.


	2. Strange in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael grows concerned about Alex

Michael held the takeout coffees in one hand and knocked loudly on the cabin door. He was debating about using his powers to unlock the door when it opened. Alex looked awful, his hair was a tangled mess, he had shadows unders his eyes and the sweatshirt and track pants he wore had seen better days. But it was his eyes that worried Michael. The usual bright sparkle was dull.  
"Alex, about last night." Michael began.  
" Guerin, it's ok really. It was a long time ago and we've both moved on." His voice was dull mechanical almost.Alex stepped aside allowing him into the house. Michael set down the coffees on the kitchen counter watching as Alex sat down on a chair by the window.  
"What happened to your hand?" Michael asked noticing the bandage.  
"I broke a mirror. Minor cut. It's nothing. Guerin, um why are you here?" Alex asked fidgeting in his seat.  
"I was worried about you." Michael was studying him carefully. "You looked pretty upset last night and you didn't answer my call."  
"I'm ok. I didn't sleep so good. I think I might go lie down actually." Alex stood and walked towards the stairs, "you can let yourself out Guerin and you dont need to worry about me. Not anymore." Michael watched in confusion as Alex disappeared up the stairs. Maybe he really was tired or avoiding Michael but something was very wrong. Michael walked into the lounge and sat down on a sofa. He glanced at the clock, noted the time and decided to give Alex a few hours sleep. Then they really would talk.


	3. Sos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In despair a distressed Alex does something stupid. Can michael save him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty dark chapter peeps. Tbh this is going to be the only fic I write with this content cause it's so upsetting.

Michael turned off the tv and glanced at his watch, he had heard Alex go into the bathroom about 5 minutes ago. Standing he stretched and started for the stairs.  
"Alex?" He reached the upper landing and paused as his feet met with water. Throwing open the bathroom door Michael flew inside, he grabbed Alex who was lying face down in the over full tub of water, his skin pale and lips blue, Michael could see blood running from his wrists. He lay Alex down on the floor and started cpr reaching with one hand for his cell and dialling. His hands pumped rhythmically at Alex's chest and he tried to ignore how cold Alex felt from the water.  
"Hello?" Kyle answered groggily.  
"Alex tried to kill himself." Michael yelled, "we are at the cabin." Michael heard Kyle cuss and the line died. Alex twitched beneath his hands, then convulsed, Michael turned him on his side as he spewed out water onto the sodden floor. He tore a towel into strips and used them to bind the wounds on Alex's wrists before he turned off the water. Carrying Alex into the bedroom Michael dried him off carefully before dressing him in the soft lounge pants he knew Alex favoured for bed. Alex let him do as he please without muttering a word.  
"Why Alex?" Michael murmured, running a hand through Alex's damp hair. Alex remained in moving with a vacant state.  
"How is he?" Kyle hurried into the room and set to work checking Alex's vitals and seeing to the wounds on his wrists and hands.  
"What the hell happened Guerin?" Kyle asked as he pulled Michael outside the room. "I saw Alex on thursday, he was fine." Michael reluctantly told Kyle about the bar and Isabel.  
"You need to fix this." Kyle shook his head. "Do you realise what you have done? All Alex sees is his Father. The pain he caused. In that moment you turned him into his father. He's given up Guerin. On himself."  
"Will he get better?" Michael asked keeping his emotions in check. Kyle sighed.  
"I've seen other cases this extreme and the odds.. With this onset of depressed shock." He faded off. "The mind can be a tricky thing Guerin. Alex has to want to get better. You have a day, if he isn't moving around by then I'll have to get him to the hospital for fluids and essential care." Michael nodded. "Will you call Forrest?" He asked and Kyle stopped at the top of the stairs.  
"Forrest and Alex aren't a couple Guerin." Kyle disappeared down the stairs. Michael sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck as he walked back to the bed, sitting down in a chair he took one of Alex's hands in his.


	4. Love you like I do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael tries to reach Alex

"I told you I grew up in the system. I didn't have friends or family or much of anything. Except Max and Isabel. Then you happened. I couldn't understand why you were so nice to me, why you cared. I was happy Alex. You made me feel like I was worth something. That I was loved. When your Dad broke my hand I felt like I had it coming because pain was my life, that the stolen moments of happiness with you were a debt, pain was payment. It made me bitter and cold and I built walls to protect myself. But you got through them everytime Alex. When I said that loving you only hurt, I was angry, angry that I loved you because of what your Father did to my family. I wanted to hate you Alex," michael jumped as Alex flinched, face contorting as if in pain.  
"No, no listen!" Michael begged, "I couldn't hate you Alex. I dont. So I worked on pushing you away. The distance between us grew and I thought I had succeeded, but we came back together. Without me even realising it. I would have killed anyone to get to you Alex when you where taken. I told your Father that I loved you and I meant it. I need you Alex. Listening to you sing, every word, reached into me and i know that i want a future with you. I dont see your father when i look at you Alex. I see the boy who i met when we were 17. I see the soldier going off to war, i see the free spirit sitting on a stage singing his soul. I see how beautiful, how strong you are and I need you Alex." Michael's voice broke as he swiped away tears with the back of his hand. He reached under Alex's shirt resting his hand on his chest over Alex's heart.  
"Your my family to." Michael closed his eyes and focused on his hand channeling all of his emotions, he felt his palm heat and Alex gasp beneath his hand.


	5. Hand to heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Alex bond

Alex gasped and suddenly the barrier broke. Michael was swamped with all of Alex's emotions. Fear, self loathing, disgust at his Father, fear, then his feelings for Michael, an over whelming surge of love, protectiveness, desire and need.

Alex could feel Michael's emotions inside him. Love, hope, need and protective ness. It swamped his senses and surged through him, chasing away the doubt and pain and soothing his traumatic soul. Alex's eyes rolled up in his head with pleasure, his hands clasped Michael's arm of their own will.

Michael lifted his hand as the connection ended and traced his fingers over the iridescent hand print marked on Alex's skin. Alex's eyes fluttered and opened and fixed on Micheal.  
"Guerin," his voice was hoarse. "What?" Alex looked down at his wrists in surprise.  
"If you ever do that to me again Alex," Michael shook his head. He closed his eyes and breathed out deeply. Opening them he stared into Alex's own.  
" Alex, I love you." Michael pressed forward ignoring his fast beating heart. "I want to start over. With you." Michael held out his hand palm up. " no more running." Alex dropped his hand into Michael's.  
" No more running." He agreed.

Michael knew the road ahead would be hard with his own and Alex's issues to be addressed. But they would face them together. No more running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just stress not a quick fix. Alex would need to see a therapist because of his self loathing and issues. Point I wanted to raise was that despite problems they face. They face them together.


End file.
